October 2, 2014: Memorial Day in Vietnam, 2004
While cleaning out my hard drive, I came across this Remembrance, from May 31, 2004. Most of the words belong to Dan Ware, the founder of Toto Tours. Because I admire him greatly, I was proud to read them aloud, along with some modifications and personal observations, in Vietnam near the tunnels of Củ Chi (see Wiki) in memory of our fallen gay brothers and sisters. Much has changed in the intervening years with respect to gays in the military, while much has remained the same with respect to war and my thoughts about it.
IN REMEMBRANCE
Memorial Day in Vietnam
May 31, 2004
I am honored to be here with each of you as we create
together, for the second time on this soil, a fitting memorial service for the
gay men who died in the conflict that we call the “Vietnam War” and that the
proud people of this country call the “American War.” I am grateful that you are here to bear
witness and to take an active part in the ceremony.
We stand on a land where so many people died, and have today
seen evidence of the horrors of war. As with any tragedy or holocaust, it is
important that we remember. How could we, a group of gay men, not pause to
remember our gay brothers who died here, especially on a day that is
traditionally reserved for such remembrances?
Our purpose here today is not to make any political statements for or against the war. It is not to rally beneath any physical symbols, such as the American Flag or the gay flag—symbols that all too often serve to divide one people from another. It is not to rail against the well-documented, unjust treatment of gays in the military, nor do we intend to elevate them as special war heroes. We are here simply to bear witness to the human spirit that transcends all differences—be they cultural, national, or those regarding sexual orientation—and, while celebrating the essence of all life, to reflect upon the unique sacrifices made by our gay brothers in Vietnam.
The men we honor today undoubtedly came to this land for a variety of reasons. Some may have been drafted and sent toVietnam
through no choice of their own. Others may have been pursuing a career in the
military. Still others may have arisen patriotically in answer to their
country’s call to arms. Whatever their motivations we can be sure of one
thing—more was required of them than of their fellow servicemen. Yes, it can
said that all members of the military experience some degree of sexual privation
and frustration, but only gay service members were denied the right even to
utter the true nature of their lives.
Our purpose here today is not to make any political statements for or against the war. It is not to rally beneath any physical symbols, such as the American Flag or the gay flag—symbols that all too often serve to divide one people from another. It is not to rail against the well-documented, unjust treatment of gays in the military, nor do we intend to elevate them as special war heroes. We are here simply to bear witness to the human spirit that transcends all differences—be they cultural, national, or those regarding sexual orientation—and, while celebrating the essence of all life, to reflect upon the unique sacrifices made by our gay brothers in Vietnam.
The men we honor today undoubtedly came to this land for a variety of reasons. Some may have been drafted and sent to
At this time, I invite each of you to express your thoughts
about being here today – why you are here, what this means to you, or simply to
say a few words in remembrance of our fallen brothers and sisters.
[CONTRIBUTIONS BY TOUR PARTICIPANTS]
[EY personal contribution] “My thoughts are that seeing the horror of war, even
at a distance now of 29 years, and then only in my imagination fueled by
the surrounding landscape, confirms all that I already believe. No
one can truly win. I came on this tour in part because of present-day events—the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan ,
and terrorism in general. It all seems so messed up. I wanted
to learn more about what America
is capable of doing when it loses sight of all that for which it
is supposed to stand. Already, our own people openly
discriminate against gay and lesbian service members. It makes
my heart ache to know that some of my brothers and sisters must have
died for me, silently, quite horrific deaths on this foreign soil.
But more than that, I realize that losing sight of the inherent humanity
of anyone on this earth can lead to the most barbaric and catastrophic of
events.”
[OBSERVE A MOMENT OF
SILENCE]
I believe a common cord that can never be severed binds us
all. Our eternal connection is our humanity, and it defies all labels such as
“gay” or “straight” or “American” or “Vietnamese.” To paraphrase the Bard: “I
am a gay man. I have the same eyes, hands, organs, dimensions, senses,
affections, and passions as my straight brother. If you prick me, I bleed. If you tickle me, I laugh. If you poison me, I
die.” There are no fundamental differences between any of us. We dream the same
dreams, share the same journey, and, I believe, progress beyond this physical
world toward some unity that none of us here can claim to comprehend.
May understanding, peace and unity envelop all the peoples of the world. May the spirit of love bless the souls of all those who lost their lives in this war—from every nation, be they gay or straight. May our American lives be enriched by the awareness of our inseparable connection to their Vietnamese lives, and the enduring triumph of our collective spirit.
May understanding, peace and unity envelop all the peoples of the world. May the spirit of love bless the souls of all those who lost their lives in this war—from every nation, be they gay or straight. May our American lives be enriched by the awareness of our inseparable connection to their Vietnamese lives, and the enduring triumph of our collective spirit.
Thank you for sharing with me in this historic Memorial Day
observance.
NOTE: This remembrance was prepared by Dan Ware for
the 2003 Memorial Day observance, and adapted by Eddie
Young for use in 2004.
